quest for best

I can’t bound my pain into myself anymore so I intend myself to explore it here. This pain is not actually physical but pain buried inside my heart. The pain is regarded with the matter of study. The part of study of my selection is quite disappointing and I cannot overtake it into my brain.

Presently I’m studying engineering in RCET, Bhilai, India. I had no sufficient conscience during my school days but later I got to know that what study matter I’m worthy of. There were many subjects, but I was captivated to only few those were physics and mathematics. Rest all of the subjects was obscure and frustrating for me. I probe out the reason, which was my lack of appetite of rote-learning. It was the matter of boredom as I was denied to make subject selection. All the time I faced with exams, I got poor marks in rote-learning subjects but high marks in physics and math. Consequently, I used getting average marks in aggregates of all subjects. I was indeed tortured.

I knew I couldn’t make petition, I couldn’t accomplish my task to make selection of subject. However, I got rid of failures in exams and often passed with appreciable results. Fortunately, I got to know that I would be allowed make selection of what subject to study after school. This message ultimately subsided my unwillingness.

After school, when I was admitted in the college, I got rid of biology as I selected computer amongst them. But however another subject chemistry was still there to make me down, I spoke out my unwillingness again but pathetically it was unreachable. My appetite of study suddenly lifted up in computer subject, mainly in the field of programming. I continued my study on programming part inquisitively.  Yet, I wanted to study only three subjects that were physics, math, and computer. I kept high degree of concentration on these subjects rather than other. However I made completion over eleven and twelfth class with good efforts.

On then, my carrier if study made accommodation the next entrance of journey where I had to decide which train to book. I suffered from confusion again where I had options to choose either computer or mechanical faculty of engineering. I had precisely equal ambition on both of them. If one was water the next was air for me. I was intensely suffered from indecisiveness. My parents, teacher and seniors equally commented and suggested to both the subject.  I was courageous enough to any of them so only I was in need of was best suggestion. The clock was continuously ticking on and on but I couldn’t hear anything. After giving it up, I made unambiguous decision and accepted computer science. I was indeed happy as I was about to learn and do something new regarding computer science. I wanted to become software engineer. I had sufficient passion to study computer engineer so I got rid of lamentation.

Two months passed away of my engineering but still I’m unsatisfied. What I’m lacking is what actually it needs to be. I’m staying pitifully taking tortures of some subjects. I’m studying, actually forced to, subjects like basic civil engineering, ecology, chemistry e.t.c. which is extremely far beyond my interest. I take those subjects as obvious waste of time. However I have to pass those subjects. Although, it is on dark part of my interest, I’m trying far extend to get it into my brain but every time I fail to remember. I don’t even understand class lectures. Yet, I haven’t felt I’m in engineering college. Nobody gossips about innovation and trend of science and technology that is being waving in the world. All we do, teachers do is, paste the xerox of books into the brain. The system of education has lots of flaw which make me in quite despair. This may not be the problem of mine but any other conscious people. According to me, at each beat of heart we must learn something new, actually what we are interest of, because beats are limited. We cannot transform the system of education but we shall keep trying to change ourselves in the matter which can bring positive change. We must engage our mind on thinking on specific topic because stepping on two boats may sink us.

leaving my aunt abroad

My aunt has got flight to U.S.A, the farthest place from Nepal. The airplane will take off at around 6.30 pm and she will be reaching there at 2pm according to time of Nepal and 3am according to time of U.S.A. It takes about 20 hours to reach there and first of all the plane will be landing on Dubai and again another plane heads directly to Texas, U.S. We left her at Biratnagar airport yesterday. This flight was heading to Kathmandu, capital city and from that place she was about to go U.S. on coming Sunday.

My aunt is amongst lucky people of the world. Her dream has often come true from the beginning of her life. Fortunately she got visa for living in U.S. This was very good news for all of we family members and for her. But, on the other hand we were very upset to leave her. Separation would make us very gloomy. It was obvious thing that she will be happy for living there. She can make her life luxurious and fulfill her dreams. Even though, nothing seems bright in front of family. She was still sad and upset to leave all of us, with whom she stayed maximum time of her life. It was obvious thing that she couldn’t leave us easily. In fact, she has to abandon all of us for making her living standard good. Not only this much but she was also making all of us proud as she would be leaving in such rich and renowned country.

We all family member could remember each and every second we had spent together which has been brightest part of our life. Being herself in U.S it is also possible to sponsor any of us and we probably can go there in coming days which was next good point. She has been good to all of us and she supported us which was the thing never to be forgotten.  Missing family member is like missing any organ of your body, very painful and suffering throughout your life. But whatever happens, we have to look bright side of thing and subside our grief. She is going there, living there and she will be happy so we also should be happy for her and be proud. 

In the same way, concerning only about me, she has been providing me lots of love and care. She supported and helped me all the time when trouble and when there was no one. She has provided me that much love and affection that I couldn’t remember time when she had scolded me. Her smile was also so fascinating that she could make anyone smile and the way she speaks was good at every aspect. At my childhood, she had done much for me. She used to often be with me and take me here and there in her arms. She also used to feed me meal by doing different types of thing such as pulling me inside the cartoon box and making me enjoy a lot. During summer, in an absence of electricity she used to use hand fan during my sleep and make me easy all the time. She has given me all kinds of support till now. There are uncountable things buried inside my heart which may be expressed in words but can’t be felt as I feel. Even though, I couldn’t make Xerox of my feelings in words so easily.

During my sickness, it was her who looked after me. Once I had gone Kathmandu for my study and I lived there at hostel. At the same time she was also there but in relatives at different place. Due to improper food I got sick and it was her who made me cured. She has never hurt me but always loved me. When I needed some accessories there, she was there to buy me. She would ask herself by calling me what I needed.

I may spend whole life on describing about my aunt and there is not even one thing I remember unfortunate concerning my aunt.