quest for best

I can’t bound my pain into myself anymore so I intend myself to explore it here. This pain is not actually physical but pain buried inside my heart. The pain is regarded with the matter of study. The part of study of my selection is quite disappointing and I cannot overtake it into my brain.

Presently I’m studying engineering in RCET, Bhilai, India. I had no sufficient conscience during my school days but later I got to know that what study matter I’m worthy of. There were many subjects, but I was captivated to only few those were physics and mathematics. Rest all of the subjects was obscure and frustrating for me. I probe out the reason, which was my lack of appetite of rote-learning. It was the matter of boredom as I was denied to make subject selection. All the time I faced with exams, I got poor marks in rote-learning subjects but high marks in physics and math. Consequently, I used getting average marks in aggregates of all subjects. I was indeed tortured.

I knew I couldn’t make petition, I couldn’t accomplish my task to make selection of subject. However, I got rid of failures in exams and often passed with appreciable results. Fortunately, I got to know that I would be allowed make selection of what subject to study after school. This message ultimately subsided my unwillingness.

After school, when I was admitted in the college, I got rid of biology as I selected computer amongst them. But however another subject chemistry was still there to make me down, I spoke out my unwillingness again but pathetically it was unreachable. My appetite of study suddenly lifted up in computer subject, mainly in the field of programming. I continued my study on programming part inquisitively.  Yet, I wanted to study only three subjects that were physics, math, and computer. I kept high degree of concentration on these subjects rather than other. However I made completion over eleven and twelfth class with good efforts.

On then, my carrier if study made accommodation the next entrance of journey where I had to decide which train to book. I suffered from confusion again where I had options to choose either computer or mechanical faculty of engineering. I had precisely equal ambition on both of them. If one was water the next was air for me. I was intensely suffered from indecisiveness. My parents, teacher and seniors equally commented and suggested to both the subject.  I was courageous enough to any of them so only I was in need of was best suggestion. The clock was continuously ticking on and on but I couldn’t hear anything. After giving it up, I made unambiguous decision and accepted computer science. I was indeed happy as I was about to learn and do something new regarding computer science. I wanted to become software engineer. I had sufficient passion to study computer engineer so I got rid of lamentation.

Two months passed away of my engineering but still I’m unsatisfied. What I’m lacking is what actually it needs to be. I’m staying pitifully taking tortures of some subjects. I’m studying, actually forced to, subjects like basic civil engineering, ecology, chemistry e.t.c. which is extremely far beyond my interest. I take those subjects as obvious waste of time. However I have to pass those subjects. Although, it is on dark part of my interest, I’m trying far extend to get it into my brain but every time I fail to remember. I don’t even understand class lectures. Yet, I haven’t felt I’m in engineering college. Nobody gossips about innovation and trend of science and technology that is being waving in the world. All we do, teachers do is, paste the xerox of books into the brain. The system of education has lots of flaw which make me in quite despair. This may not be the problem of mine but any other conscious people. According to me, at each beat of heart we must learn something new, actually what we are interest of, because beats are limited. We cannot transform the system of education but we shall keep trying to change ourselves in the matter which can bring positive change. We must engage our mind on thinking on specific topic because stepping on two boats may sink us.